Emotional attunement is a “basic need”
We tend to think of our “basic needs” in terms of physical things: food, shelter, etc.
But as human beings, we are feeling beings. That means, being able to feel our feelings and emotions is imperative for our health.
And that, in turn, means that when we are prevented from feeling, we are harmed.
We may not feel our emotions because we were never taught to allow them to come up and then to examine what they mean; or because the people around us always told us to “shush!”; or because the people around us ignored or failed to notice the fact that we had any feelings at all.
All of this has created a society of people who are not comfortable with emotion, who are literally unable to feel, and/or who actively suppress anything inside of them that’s trying to make itself known.
All of this has a name. Do you know what it is?
“Emotional neglect.”
And do you know what trauma research has shown?
It has shown that the effects on a child of being emotionally neglected are a stronger trauma than if that child were physically abused.
Emotional neglect is worse than physical abuse.
Because we are feeling beings. We are built to feel the world around us, and the world inside of us.
And all of the systems, and cultures, and behaviours, and “norms” that ignore and even vilify emotions are toxic to our health.
So please, if someone around you is expressing the fact that they have feelings…LET THEM. Notice them. Get very uncomfortable and invite that person to tell you how they feel. They need that.
You need that, too.
If the people in your life aren’t noticing your feelings, then find someone who will.
~ Jen
