Emotional attunement is a “basic need”
We tend to think of our “basic needs” in terms of physical things: food, shelter, etc.
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But as human beings, we are feeling beings. That means, being able to feel our feelings and emotions is imperative for our health.
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And that, in turn, means that when we are prevented from feeling, we are harmed.
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We may not feel our emotions because we were never taught to allow them to come up and then to examine what they mean; or because the people around us always told us to “shush!”; or because the people around us ignored or failed to notice the fact that we had any feelings at all.
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All of this has created a society of people who are not comfortable with emotion, who are literally unable to feel, and/or who actively suppress anything inside of them that’s trying to make itself known.
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All of this has a name. Do you know what it is?
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“Emotional neglect.”
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And do you know what trauma research has shown?
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It has shown that the effects on a child of being emotionally neglected are a stronger trauma than if that child were physically abused.
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Emotional neglect is worse than physical abuse.
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Because we are feeling beings. We are built to feel the world around us, and the world inside of us.
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And all of the systems, and cultures, and behaviours, and “norms” that ignore and even vilify emotions are toxic to our health.
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So please, if someone around you is expressing the fact that they have feelings…LET THEM. Notice them. Get very uncomfortable and invite that person to tell you how they feel. They need that.
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You need that, too.
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If the people in your life aren’t noticing your feelings, then find someone who will.
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~ Jen
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