For those who are unaware of my background, I have a Bachelors degree in Psychology, and a Masters degree in (essentially) National Security. Pursuing national security was in perfect alignment with my soul, and I graduated in 2005–at the top of my class. After a short time teaching US government analysts in the Washington DC-area, I was offered a job in the Canadian government, so I moved to Ottawa as of 2006.
Working within the department that supports our Prime Minister, I was fortunate to be pulled into jobs that had me supporting the Executive level, including the National Security Advisor himself. These positions gave me direct sight into how decisions are made, as well as the motivations behind the decisions.
I poured my heart and soul into my job; I wanted to make a positive difference in the world. I knew that I had what current lingo would refer to as “privileged” positions, and I sought to make the most of them.
Yet, it became ever-more clear that that would not happen. That the people who held positions of authority were no more than human, and were often comfortable with the status quo; worse, they had low tolerance for anyone who might disrupt it. And so my career was brought to a fairly quick halt, and I was literally sent back to where I had began it about eight years prior. And I was told that I would just have to start over. Work my way back up again.
Simultaneously, I was being elevated by Spirit; elevated to a higher version of myself. And my guidance told me to take an unpaid leave. And to sell or donate my possessions, put the valuables into storage, sublease my condo, buy a car, and get on the road with essentially no destination in mind except to enter the US again and allow myself to be guided. So I did. This was the inception of what I call my “road trip” (which is discussed in the story, “25,000 Miles to Me: Faith, Endurance, and Uncovering My True Self“).
I took what was to be a temporary absence from the government and ended up never going back. Months into the road trip, I awoke from sleep one day with the clear guidance to submit my resignation–right that moment. So I called the relevant person in administration, and told her that I was quitting.
Today is the four-year anniversary of when my resignation took effect.
It has been suggested that courage was what fueled my decision. It was nothing so heroic: It was instead the accumulation and combination of about eight years of oppression, constraints, and restraints; lies and false promises; self-serving personalities who voluntarily serve in, and accept large paycheques from, a system designed to be of service to the world; and a system that fundamentally is unwilling to evolve, which all caused me to see clearly the truth about my place within it.
Conviction was the fuel; not courage. Conviction that there is no money, no job, no benefits package, no “cool factor” that is worth the continued destruction of my spirit, nor the oppression of my life’s purpose.
In the four years since I left, I have never, not once, not even subtly, regretted my decision.
I feel that sometimes we must reach this point of utter conviction before we will do what is necessary to save ourselves. But from my experience, when we do reach this point, the decision is easy. As well, there are no regrets–because we know that had we stayed, our spirit would have died, and there is nothing on Earth, in my opinion, that is worth that price.
Was this information useful? I’m so glad. I’d be grateful for a small token of thanks.
Conviction over Courage: Quitting What No Longer Serves UsJune 23, 2018 at 3:34 pm
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